


So, This is Christmas

by mugglerock



Series: Destiel Advent Calendar 2019 [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A Little Too Real, Angst, Canon Compliant, Destiel Advent Calendar 2019, Gen, M/M, Post-Canon, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, This Fic Ain’t What You Think It’s Gonna Be, Unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester, Unrequited Crush, and Not a Smut in Sight, happy holidays, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: Dean, and the angel Castiel, spend Christmas Eve serving food at a local soup kitchen.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel Advent Calendar 2019 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558915
Comments: 6
Kudos: 116





	So, This is Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> I bet y'all were expecting a lovey, mushy, schmoopy floofy, fluff fest for this Destiel advent calendar? What have we been telling you guys all along?

**Day 2 - So, This is Christmas**

Things weren’t great. Were they better? Sure, but they weren’t great. Sam had convinced Cas to move back to the bunker. There was planning to do, and the odds of survival were higher together. Cas hadn’t spoken more than a couple of words to Dean since he got back, and they were usually, “I’m running errands.” 

Dean had gotten into a habit he couldn’t break, demanding where Cas was going, to be met with those clipped words before Cas stormed out. Dean never expected Cas to come back, and every time the angel did… He hated how conflicted he was about it.

The anger was easier, it was easier than addressing any of the other emotions the angel caused. And while it was easier, it was also forcing them into this stalemate, neither one moving forward to finish the game. 

These so-called errands happened a couple times a week. Dean knew there were no errands. Cas was up to something, and whether good or bad, Dean didn’t know. But when Dean didn’t know, shit usually went sideways. So he brought his concerns up to Sam, and got bitched out and told to drop it in return. So sneaking around was out of the question.

Instead, Dean decided to try something a little different… directness. 

It was Christmas Eve, and Cas was purposely looking straight ahead as he walked through the library, passing Dean, who had his legs kicked up on a table, spinning a beer in his palm. “Where are you going?” It was almost robotic now.

Without missing a beat, Cas said, “Running errands.”

Dean swung his legs down, followed by the sound of the metal chair legs colliding with the concrete. “Bullshit.”

Cas spun around, brow quirked as he regarded Dean for the first time in over a week. “Excuse me?”

Dean moved to stand up, crossing his arms over his chest as he approached. “I said, ‘bullshit.’ Bullshit you’re running errands. What possible errands could you be running on Christmas Eve?” 

That was met with an eye roll before Cas turned his back to Dean. Cas silently made his way to the stairwell, so Dean grabbed his jacket and followed him.

Cas sighed as he grabbed the railing. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Well, I need to run errands too. Figured I could tag along.” 

Cas was halfway up the stairs and huffed out a soft, “No.”

Dean caught up to him and gripped his forearm. “Why not?”

“Because,” he started as he whipped around to face Dean, twisting his arm out of Dean’s grasp. “I am not actually ‘running errands,’” he said, complete with air quotes.

He knew it! Now Dean needed to figure out what Cas was up to. “Then what are you doing?”

Cas regarded Dean for a moment, face expressionless as he appeared to evaluate the situation. “Does it mean that much to you to know where I’ve been going?”

Far from backing down now, Dean straightened his posture and said, “Yes.”

Cas shrugged and turned back around before ascending the stairs. When he reached the landing, he looked down at Dean expectantly. “Are you coming?”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

The ride over, in Cas’s newly acquired VW bus, was painfully silent. Dean realized early on they were headed into town, but refrained from asking. He kept sliding his thumb over the handle of his Sig. 

When they pulled up to a building near the church, Dean furrowed his brow. The lights were bright on the mostly dark, closed down street. Large windows with fake snow painted along the edges gave a view of dozens of people, more people than he thought this town had, standing in line in, what looked like, a makeshift cafeteria. 

Cas slamming the door shut shook Dean out of his bemused haze as he unbuckled the lap belt and slipped out of the hippie van. Before Dean could say anything, a young woman with curly black hair and a bright smile approached Cas and pulled him in for a hug. 

“Clarence! We could really use your help tonight.”

Cas laughed, a genuine and appreciative sound Dean hadn’t heard in way too damn long. “Kristianna, is everything alright?”

She shook her head. “Two of the volunteers ended up sick with the flu, so we had to send them home.”

That was met with a serious nod as he pointed to Dean. “I brought my friend. We can put him on dishes and pull Erica to the serving line.”

Kristianna appeared relieved as she nodded. “Awesome. Can you show him around real quick, I’ll go grab him an apron and gloves from storage.”

Cas flashed her an affirmative smile and nodded for Dean to follow him inside. As Cas played tour guide, it finally clicked where they were.  _ Shit.  _ Dean didn’t realize just how many homeless people lived in this little county. 

When they reached the back kitchen, Kristianna was waiting for them, holding out an apron for Dean. “It’s pretty simple,” she said as she began to go over each step of the process. Load the rack. Rinse the big gunk off. Place in the industrial washer. Rinse and repeat. 

Dean was listening, but he found himself a little mesmerized by Cas. He was chatting with another volunteer, a taller woman with long red hair pulled back in a ponytail. She laughed at whatever Cas said while he pulled off his trenchcoat and started rolling up his shirt sleeves.

When he looked up again, their eyes met. Cas flashed him a small smile before he turned and left the back kitchen. Kristianna handed Dean the hose and patted his shoulder before departing with an encouraging smile. Dean let out a soft, mirthless laugh and shook his head. 

The guilt wasn’t an instant avalanche, it was more of a slow methodical build up as he spent his time alone washing and drying dozens and dozens of dishes. The work kept him focused, while he berated himself for… hell… everything. Berating and admitting that maybe… maybe Dean clung to the anger because Cas still hadn’t acknowledged what Dean prayed to him.

The anger was because he was hurt. Was because he told Cas what he felt…  _ how  _ he felt, how Cas had changed everything for Dean and he didn’t know how to cope with that change. How to process an emotion he’d buried for many years. And then Cas came back, and didn’t say a damn thing. The longer he ignored Dean, the worse it got.

Dean scoffed as he pulled the clean rack of dishes out. Maybe he was pissed over something that never happened. Maybe Cas never got the prayer. Maybe Dean had been treating his best friend like crap for too damn long. 

Because that best friend was apparently the kind of guy that, while there was a pissed off fanboy playing puppeteer with them, still gave his time to people in need. To people who were impacted by the cruelty of this world long before Chuck threw in zombies, and ghosts, and all the other cliche crap. 

Cas spent his free time here, making a positive difference in his own little corner of the world, and Dean had never felt like a bigger asshole in his life.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Kristianna let out a huff of laughter as she locked up the door, yanking on the chain. “I’m so glad we were able to give people seconds and left overs.”

Cas hummed in agreement. “I appreciate the generosity of this time of year. We haven’t run out of food all month.”

As the murmurings of agreement turned into hugs and departures with a, “Merry Christmas,” and, “Happy Holidays,” on everyone’s lips, Cas faced Dean and gave him a small smile. 

“Thank you for your help tonight.”

Dean shook his head in amazement. “Why didn’t you just tell me this was what you were doing?”

Cas let out a soft sigh and shook his head as he started walking to his car. “Can we call a truce, just for tonight?” 

Dean gently halted him with a grasp on his wrist. “Did you hear me?”

Cas furrowed his brow. “I don’t understand.”

_ Did you hear me when I prayed to you? _

The flash of understanding was answer enough. Cas turned from Dean and let out a soft sigh. “A truce, please,” Cas urged as he made no attempt to get away.

And despite the urge to demand answers, Dean released his grip on Cas’s wrist. With a soft sigh, Dean took a step back. “Okay. Truce.”

Cas looked up, expression clearly surprised that Dean agreed. He caught the small twitch of Cas’s lips before his expression was serious again. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean nodded and followed him back to the stoner van. As Cas pulled out his keys, they locked eyes through the windows of each side. Dean exhaled his breath to fog up his window and used his finger to write, 

“saC, samtsirhC yrreM”

That got him a broad smile and audible laugh before Cas exhaled on his window and wrote,

“It’s backwards”

When they met again on the inside, Dean clapped a hand on Cas’s shoulder and said, “Merry Christmas, Cas.”

Cas looked down at the placement of Dean’s hand for a moment before he braced his own over Dean’s. With a gentle squeeze, Cas returned a soft, “Merry Christmas, Dean.”

_ war is over if you want it, war is over _

**Author's Note:**

> If you're curious about donating time or food to those in need, there are a lot of great resources to help (folx in the US) find local foodbanks at the [Feeding America](https://www.feedingamerica.org/take-action/volunteer) website. Let's all be a little kinder to one another. Happy Holidays. <3<3


End file.
